Friday 19 December 2014

Spread a little light

I just arrived in Jerusalem and heard that the Martin Place Chanukah menorah lighting has been cancelled in the aftermath of the Lindt Cafe terrorist siege in Sydney during which 17 people were taken hostage, 2 of whom were killed, by a self professed 'sheikh' with a long criminal rapsheet including accessory to murder and 40 counts of sexual assault. 
At first, I, along with many others, thought of this criminal murderer in terms of his criminality rather than his religion. He was a baddy who did this deed as a crazy 'lone wolf', and the fact that he put a Muslim declaration of faith up in the shop window , and apparently asked for an ISIS flag as part of his demands, was sort of brushed aside. 
I have since changed my mind. 
During the siege, even before the siege was over and the 2 victims were killed, we had this ridiculous #I'll ride with you campaign cooked up by some leftard - sorry, but there really are times when this pejorative term needs to be used- in Brisbane, who was riding on a bus and saw a Muslim woman fiddle with her headscarf and take it off. The observer cooked up a scenario in her mind, without actually speaking with the Muslim woman, that maybe she took it off because she was afraid of a backlash against Muslims and so she thought, no, I will protect you, Muslim sister, from the depredations of us racist Australians. I will ride with you in a bus without spitting on you. And the hashtag spread and everyone though how beautiful it all was. We hashtaggers aren't racist, like the other right wing Aussies.  We protect minorities, not like they do.  Aren't we wonderful people. 
I think everyone forgot who the real victims were. They were the hostages and the murdered cafe manager who was killed trying to disarm the terrorist; and the lawyer, who left 3 motherless children. They actually were the victims. The Muslims were not.  
So that's a couple of points I would like to make. Australians on the whole are tolerant people and are not likely to burn crosses or crescents or whatever on lawns and lynch Muslims etc. And Muslims were not the victims in the Lindt cafe seige. 
Then we saw this public outpouring of grief through floral tributes laid in Martin Place at the scene of the crime. Every florist ran out of stock. The photos looked amazing. Of course, the flowers will all rot and it will be a big job to clear the place in a few days, and what will be left? Nothing. I'll come back to that in a minute. 
Then came in all the analyses and reassurances from police and politicians and pundits. This was not an act of Muslim terror. This was a crazy criminal 'lone wolf', who did what he did because he was a baddy. (If he was so bad, why was he out on parole or on bail, free to plan and execute this attack? Hmm. That's a good question.) No, it was not because he was a Muslim. No no no. We mustn't think that (or I guess there will be a terrible backlash against the poor old Muslims). 
(And we know what happens when Muslims feel offended and insulted so hush, let's keep the peace. I'm sure there was some thought process like that going on in someone's head.)
Well, all I can say is that there seems to be a lot of these 'lone wolves' about. There was one in the Canadian parliament, and 2 who murdered Lee Rigby in the streets of Manchester, and the shrink who shot up Fort Hood and killed 14 US Army personnel - he was a lone wolf too, despite evidence in his email account where he was pledging jihad against the infidel- and there was the plot to randomly behead an infidel in Sydney which was thwarted, and the Arabs who ran down people waiting at light rail stops and bus stops in several incidents in Israel, and the 2 who murdered 4 rabbis at prayer in Har Nof in Jerusalem, leaving 14 fatherless children, and all of these lone wolves - so many that I don't know if the word 'lone' really applies- have one thing in common. Have a guess. No cigars for guessing the answer- they are all Muslims. And they have all taken it upon themselves after being incited by radical Muslim clerics and interpretations of Koranic verses, to attack infidels wherever and whenever they encounter them, Jews, Christians, in Israel and abroad. 
You can continue to pretend that these people are not motivated by religion to kill- oh well, of course in Israel it is about the resistance to the occupation, right? Wrong. It's about Muslim incitement to fight The Other, especially the Yahud. 
So keep pretending , but be prepared for more of these 'lone wolf' attacks because the incitement is not stopping any time soon. 
I can't help but compare the response  among Jews to the horrific attacks which have been perpetrated on them, to the Martin Place floral tributes, which make a strong statement but which are ultimately ephemeral. In every case, after every act of terrorism, the bereaved Jewish families urge people to give more tzedakah in the name of the victim, or to do more mitzvot, or to increase their level
of prayer and religious observance. Or they establish charitable foundations to help other families of victims of terror or other good causes. The Har Nof Shul was cleared of the blood staining the walls and the floor the very next day after this heinous attack, and more people have been attending  and studying there than ever before. 
This is also a form of resistance against the darkness that is closing in. This is all in the name of trying to make the world a better place. 
I strongly believe that it is a terrible mistake to cancel the menorah lighting in Martin Place. If there was ever a time that we need to see more light, it is now. The kindling of the lights reminds us of the miracle of the oil, and that is how we celebrate Chanukah; but Chanukah means 'dedication'. We rededicated the Temple to Hashem after the miracle of the victory of the few over the many; but we don't dwell on the military aspects of the festival which enabled the rededication and the miracle of the oil. We Jews don't really gloat about military victories. To paraphrase R Adin Steinsaltz, we don't put swords in our windows to celebrate, we put menorahs. We add more lights and more lights, for every night of Chanukah, because that is how you push away the darkness. 
Happy Chanukah to all, and may the families of the victims of terror be comforted. 

Sunday 14 December 2014

OY TO THE WORLD

I confess. This time of year, when I venture into the shop or supermarket or malls, I see all the tinsel and hear the music, and I see all the puddings, panettone, stollen, big weighty fruitcakes and I have a tiny bit of Xmas Envy.

Not that I'm looking for more things to cook! (although I do a mean Christmas cake Rich Fruit Cake in November which sits in the fridge getting doused with alcohol for our ... Chanuka party). And I laugh when I hear the Non-Jews stressing over inviting family over for Xmas lunch or whatever ('How many are you having?' '12.' 'WHAT! TWELVE PEOPLE! How on Earth will you cope!!??). Hello! Have you heard of Shabbos? I do this every week! And not just twelve! And not just one meal, often Friday night AND Shabbos lunch! Wow!

There's just something in the air, along with all the carols wafting around. There's the kitschy tchotchkes and table decor; there's The Tree, which is- let's face this- a thing of beauty. It is! I would do a superb Xmas family dinner, lunch, everything. If it was me, I would go to Carols by Candlelight. I would wear reindeer antlers and dangly tinsel earrings while preparing the massive turkey and roast veggies and aller chazerai, prawns and a big ham, and a pudding (with suet if I could get it, but butter if not, and I would steam it for hours) and brandy sauce. Or maybe a goose, instead of a turkey, because that's actually MORE traditional. I would go to Midnight Mass. (Is that Xmas or Easter? Or both? I would do it for both.) I would do everything. Put up stockings and leave a nip of whiskey for Santa and have a tree-decorating for all the family. I would have a big box of heirloom tchotchkes and baubles including a soppy angel to decorate the huge real pine tree. I would put up a whole Nativity sound and light show in LED lights on my front lawn. And seeing that I wouldn't be Jewish, I would have a husband who could rig all this up himself, (and not have to call a non-Jew to come and do it) with the help of our fine strapping sons, all wearing plaid shirts and work jeans and boots, climbing on ladders with insouciance and laughing heartily while festooning the roof with miles of LED lights. And then the menfolk will be enjoying a well-earned ale and horsing around, wrestling and falling about with laughter...wait, this fantasy has gone off track a little.

It looks like such fun! You don't have to spring-clean your house with a toothbrush, you don't have to build a little structure to eat your meals in, it doesn't go on for 8 days of fressing, just a couple of days. I would hire a roly-poly Santa with a real beard to come and give presents to all the kids at the big family lunch. If I could arrange it, he would come with a sled and reindeer. I would have a special set of table linen and crockery that I only used for this purpose, decorated with holly and ice skaters and snow and reindeers and all that Northern Hemisphere stuff.

I don't do anything by halves. As it is, you can imagine what Pesach and Rosh Hashanah and Succot look like at my place (but they go on FOREVER and at the end of a month of feasting and fasting and fressing, I feel like I'm going to explode, like Mr Creosote.)(WARNING: if you don't know who Mr Creosote is, don't hit the link. Absolutely disgusting.)

I actually feel a bit cheated that we don't have Thanksgiving in Australia, because that's the festival I really envy. Non-sectarian! Fully inclusive! 4 day long weekend! Crazy good food! And it' all about gratitude and giving thanks! (Duh.) I would carve pumpkins- no wait, that's Halloween. (No, feh, I don't like Halloween.) I would have little pilgrim salt and pepper shakers that I only used on Thanksgiving. And a big centrepiece with corn and little pumpkins and autumnal harvesty stuff featured and a tablecloth with a turkey-featuring design on it. Not only would I have my own special turkey-stuffing recipe, I would make my own cranberry sauce. My pumpkin pie would be to die for. So I also have Thanksgiving Envy, but that's OK. Jews can do Thanksgiving.

Xmas is a whole other thing. But don't worry, I won't do any of that stuff (except for the Rich Fruit Cake marinating in my fridge as I write this.) What I AM doing as a Chanukah party for all the family, where there will be latkes and ponchkes, along with a good old Aussie BBQ, and presents and Chanukah Gelt for the kids, and by kids I mean everyone. And then some ... fruitcake. And then we light the Menorah and sing songs and play dreidel.

AND THEN. My hubby and I are flying out to Israel to visit our other kids, and THAT'S where you really see what Chanukah looks like, the streets and homes ablaze with lights. There, the 25th of December is just another day.

Happy... Holidays!



Wednesday 10 December 2014

Just PERFECT.

Is it just me, or have you also noticed this little language tic that's just popping up everywhere?

I first heard it some years ago when I was making large functions - bar mitzvahs, weddings, charity dinners- and employed a professional events company to put these things together. The people I dealt with were great. They had wonderful positive attitudes and were always upbeat, and my every suggestion or request was met with a positive comment, like 'Gorgeous!' or 'Fabulous!' or, with the passage of time, more and more, 'Perfect!'
OK, that's events-biz, which is like show-biz except even more over the top; Perfect! Gorgeous! Stunning! Every superlative.
But now I'm hearing it everywhere. Where once 'Great!' or 'Wonderful!' would have sufficed, or, really back in the day 'Beauty!' (pronounces 'bewdy') or 'Ace!' or 'Bonza!' or some such, now it's that prissy 'Perfect!'

'Meet you at 11 for coffee?' 'Perfect!'
'Here's those notes I promised you.' 'Perfect!'
'Your child made you this fingerpainting.' 'Perfect!'
Everything is so perfect. Not.
The world's going to hell in a handbasket, but dinner at 8? Perfect!

Such an annoying prissy little word. All pursed lips ('p') and teeth ('ff') and a neat little click ('kt') at the end. No sloppy old tongue involved. Unless you are American and you pronounce the 'r' with a neat little tongue-tip flick before the teeth and the click. And then it has a smug little 'Purr' in it.

I'm finding it slipping out of my own mouth now too. I could honestly slap myself when I say it.

Because nothing's bloody perfect! Nothing! It might be good, or great, or wonderful or amazing (or 'amazeballs'- YUCK), it might be terrific or marvellous or even fantastic, but it's NOT PERFECT.

OK, here's an exception; the 'Perfect Storm' thing where everything is as extreme as it can be and then it all converges and POW, dramatic disappearance of ship or building or something, and that's pretty horrible and not very common. Not like this ticcy-clicky-prissy little 'Perfect!' popping out of everyone's mouths.

So stop it already, let's move on, or move back to just 'great'. Let's all calm down and relax and stop striving for this impossible state of perfection in every mundane aspect of our daily lives. OK, sometimes perfection can be achieved - 10/10 in Olympic Gymnastics or something- but otherwise, please GIVE IT A REST. Or we'll all spontaneously combust in our perfection.


Sunday 2 November 2014

Is Religion really the cause of the world's ills?

As I have previously stated, I see myself as a cyber-warrior for Israel, and I will frequently find myself going head to head with some anti-Semitic troll about Israel and Judaism etc. I realise that it is mostly a lost cause. Occasionally one does find people who really are uninformed and would genuinely like to know more, and appreciate the history lessons etc but really, precious few. So I guess it's a waste of time, except for the fact that it helps me hone my 'voice' in advocacy of Israel instead of floundering around in spluttering outrage. It's also nice, though sometimes a bit creepy, to see how many Christians profess this love of Israel and the Jews. I mean, they may say that Israel belongs to the Jews (YES!) but then they may then discuss the importance of the Jews accepting YOU KNOW WHO as their Saviour (NO!) and then the Messiah will come (come AGAIN in their narrative) and kumbaya.

That's OK, I can deal with all that. I say, first, Hashem, send the Moshiach, and after that we can work out all the details about who he is etc.

But the ones who really get up my nose are the people, self-professed atheists, who say things like, if it wasn't for religion, well, there would be no wars and all wars are based on religious conflict. And they point to radical Muslims and they point to how the Jews only think that Israel is theirs because of religion, and if we all went all John Lennon and didn't have religion, there would be 'no one to kill and die for' and everyone would live as one.
Then the snarky ones will say things like, how all these silly people believe in their own 'imaginary friend in the sky', thus inferring that people who believe in G-d are all deluded and childish, and in fact, the brave atheists are the Keepers of the Common Sense, and back to religion being the source of all conflict.

Firstly, a quick ignorant sweeping look at history does seem to give us that impression: The Crusades. The Moors and the Catholics in Medieval Andalusia/Spain. The Troubles of Northern Ireland- Catholics and Protestants, right? All the Middle Eastern stuff, that's all religion, right? Muslims against Jews, against Christians, against Muslims, against everyone essentially.
But what of World Wars 1 and 2? And so many other forgotten wars which were about land and money and power. There is no end to the reasons for nations and people to kill each other.
So even if these statements might have some truth in them, the fact is that it isn't ALL about religion and even now, these current wars are about far more than religion.

But that isn't really what I want to talk about. Because instead of the Wise Atheists blaming all the world's ills on the stupid vicious children who actually believe in G-d, let's have a think for a minute about what the world would look like if nobody believed in a Higher Power, just in their own intellects. Imagine; no Heaven, no Hell, nothing to kill or die for, no religion, too.

There are people who call themselves Secular Humanists who believe in the essential goodness of civilised people who love each other and care for each other because we are all the Family of Man and we should do all that. To this I say: do you really think that the basis of this particular belief springs from logic and human intellect? Because, for example, where is the logic of caring for the sick and the weak? Where is the logic in Charity? Giving hard-earned money and goods to people who can't or won't look after themselves? No logic at all. It is far more logical and sensible to give to yourself and your family so you have the advantage; why on earth would you waste resources on people who have an incurable disease, or who were born with some sort of condition which would render them incapable of caring for themselves? Far more logical and sensible to put them out of their misery. Put the crippled child out on the hillside to be eaten by wolves; much better in terms of the environment as well. The Circle of Life and all that.
Like it or not, the Secular Humanists are drawing on a philosophy which is entirely based on monotheism, or at least the concept of a Higher Power who instructs us in a code of behaviour. And since the Jews were the first monotheists, followed by the Christians and the Johnny-come-lately Muslims, I feel entirely at peace in saying that if it wasn't for the Jews and for the Torah, we would be living in a complete jungle, where the Will to Power would be the driving force of existence.

There would be no charitable organisations catering to the poor, the sick, the incurable. There would be no neonatal intensive care, or really, not much in the way of intensive care at all, unless the person to be cared for was deemed to be important and powerful enough to be worth saving. Not much caring for old people; if they outlive their usefulness, what's the point? So expensive, and for what?
And once they die, why waste resources in burying or burning them? Why not recycle them? Like Soylent Green. I mean, why not? Who says you can't eat people? What's the difference between animals and people anyway? (Hello, Professor Peter Singer!) OK, so they can't talk, but neither can a baby or a dead person.

And what about relationships? Who says you have to commit to anyone? Marriage is about love, and what if love dies? So you move on. And marriage is about property,  so you make legal arrangements. And what about children? Hmm, tricky one. That needs a bit of nutting out. That's always going to be tough. Are children property? Is it about love? Who says? Oh, it's in our genes, in our biology, look at animals, generally mothers, who will attack anything that threatens their young. Yes. But what about the example of the young lion who defeats the old lion and takes the lionesses for himself; and what does he do with the cubs? Kills them of course. It makes sense to him; that way the lionesses come back on heat and the next crop of cubs will all be his genetic line. So how should a stepfather behave to stepchildren, in this world of uncommitted relationships? Has anyone actually thought about this?
I mean, even today in our monotheistic-based societies, stepchildren can be dealt with pretty shoddily.
Boundaries are often transgressed there. We are all grossed out by Woody Allen's relationship with Soon-Yi Previn even though no laws were actually broken; and they are very happy together, thanks. And what of those stories you hear about brothers and sisters unintentionally marrying, and then intentionally staying together, once they learn the truth? (Even Oedipus was disgusted when he found out he had unintentionally married his mother; I wonder why? The Pharaohs had no problem with brother and sister marriages, in fact that was the norm, since they were, in their own eyes, gods.) So where do the Laws of Decency, which don't actually exist, come from? I don't think they come from the human intellect, the Clever Monkey, Homo Sapiens, who loves to pleasure itself however and whenever possible.

What about Culture? I guess people would support the Arts, much as today, and there would be some magnificence - although no Sistine Chapel or Michelangelo's David or Moses or Pietas or religious art at all, or Requiems or Oratorios, but there would be a lot of movies and shows about sex and death and revenge- so I guess there would be Opera. And Shakespeare! So all is not lost. And comedy, where stupid people are tricked and taken advantage of by smarter people, or slapstick or fart and boob jokes, or reality TV. That probably wouldn't change. There would be Tracy Emin and many of the same folks esteemed by today's appreciators of Art. Much of which is trash, in my opinion. It's very difficult to rise above yourself if you think that 'your self' is the highest thing around. And a lot of art does seem to be by and about humans infatuated with human infatuations.

I'm wandering off here because there is so much to think about in this World without Religion (and I'm not a theologian or philosopher.) I think a lot of it would look like Ancient Greeks and Spartans, and Romans, and some would look like Nazism and Communism and other totalitarian regimes. (And a lot would look like bits of today's secular societies.)  Because it would all be about Power (Money Sex Death). And last I looked, these regimes were singularly warlike and responsible for the deaths of millions and millions of people. And the conflicts weren't religiously motivated. Jews weren't murdered because they prayed to Hashem and lived according to the Torah; they were targeted for reasons of 'race' or for being a convenient scapegoat, or for historical, even traditional reasons, or out of envy, or for so many reasons that make anti-Semitism still as mysterious and absurd as it is today.

So can we put that stupid theory to rest? About how religion is the root of war, and how much better the world would be without religion? Because no matter how dark are the days we live in, how much darker and more horrible would life be without the belief in some sort of Divine Plan or the concept of Tzedaka (which is not just Charity, but Just distribution of money or goods to the less fortunate), or the sense that there is something greater than us in the world. Imagine Humankind being the greatest thing there could possibly be. Just imagine that.

I don't think so.




Thursday 23 October 2014

Vale Gough Whitlam, Good Giant or Bad Giant?

I'm not a political commenter or historian, but I remember stuff and I read stuff and I talk to other people who lived through what is now called history; and I can tell you that, despite all the myth-making and hagiographic articles, Gough Whitlam was not the Great Saviour of Australia. He was probably the most destructive leader that Australia ever had. Sure, he had some great ideas; I was the beneficiary of at least one of them. But having great ideas is not good enough. Sweeping reforms are all very nice, but once you get past the drama and the romance of it all, who pays the bill? And that's what brought him undone.

In 1972, when Whitlam was voted into office after 23 years of Liberal government, he had the media on his side and a catchy slogan - 'It's time', as in, 'It's time for a change'- and it was towards the end of the Vietnam war. Australia had been supportive of the US (who could forget Harold Holt and 'All the way with LBJ'- I swear I am not making this up) but it was becoming clear that the US was not winning and that conscription was not making a difference to the outcome, and everyone was saddened and angry and disillusioned, and even then, Whitlam scraped through to electoral victory with a majority of just 9 seats.

Once he achieved power, he was like a maniac. His cabinet had little ministerial experience and Gough had towering ambitions and vision. In his short but rather violent innings as PM (and that included another election in 1974 after a double dissolution) he instigated enormous change. He ended conscription, as the ALP promised it would. So that was good.

He made university education free, and students received the TEAS (Tertiary education allowance scheme) allowance, of which I was a beneficiary. So I was paid a living allowance so I could study for free! Amazing. On what planet is tertiary education free, not just for war veterans but for everyone? Seriously, name me one other country! He also established universal health insurance, then called Medibank (later Medicare, with Medibank Private being a private health insurance fund), which was funded by taxing 1% of income. I think a monkey could have worked out that this was never going to cover much. I mean, if you look at genuinely socialistic countries like Sweden, you can see how enormous the taxes are to cover what is being offered by the government.

Now that I am a doctor, having studied 1972-1978 in Melbourne University and St Vincent's Hospital clinical school, it is clear that I was fortunate; I like to think that I would have managed as a scholarship student, as I had since year 8, but even so, thank you Gough. I remember my colleagues, all a bit rough and ready and shaggy compared to the previous intakes of fancy-pants private school graduates, and it must have been a bit of a shock to the professors. But maybe not; in the end, it was still the kids with the highest marks in the prerequisite subjects who got in, and probably there was not as much of a demographic shift as believed. Maybe everyone was shaggy and hairy because it was 1972, and that's how we rolled then. Anyway.

Medicare. Apart from it being underfunded then as now, time has shown us that people don't value things that are free. I mean, there were always doctors who would do pro bono work for the 'deserving poor' and the pensioners etc. But now, doctors were inundated by people who would perhaps have had a hot lemon drink and some aspirin for the sore throat before; but once going to the doctor was free, hey, let's go get some real medical treatment. It probably also contributed to the overuse of antibiotics which we are only beginning to pay the price for now, with increasing bacterial resistance. That's just my theory. And at first, Medicare looked like a windfall; doctors would always get paid! No bad debts! But then as the government tried to cut corners by not raising rebates, and by offering doctors 85% of the fee if they agreed to bulk-bill, whereby the patient would just sign a paper and not have to pay up and be reimbursed- well that looked like a good deal to some doctors, but if only you punters out there realised how it degrades the practice of Medicine on so many different levels. I have always refused to bulk bill as I think that there is importance in the transaction between doctor and patient; I will charge the rebate if the patient can't afford to pay any extras, but at least they are being grown ups and are involved in the transaction themselves.  Now there's the co-payment business, and I don't know where it's going. But that's the reality; universal health insurance is very expensive in the end. The government-run hospitals rely on the people with private insurance to go to private hospitals, or else the system would collapse.
And the other result of these reforms was this massive burgeoning of the bureaucracy needed to keep track of everything, and once that's in place it's there forever. Hello, Public Service! A job for life, even when there's not a lot to do.

The economy was in the poo in 1974 also, partly because of the OPEC - orchestrated oil crisis, but partly because of just incompetent economic policy. Interest rates were up to 20%. Inflation was rampant. And Whitlam's government continued to spend like a drunken sailor until someone realised that the party was drawing to a close, and tried to borrow $4.5 BILLION dollars through a shonky con-man, Khemlani, and that was the end of the Whitlam era. That sort of money in 1975 is like a trillion today. Had that loan somehow gone through, whatever was in Whitlam's fevered imagination, our great-grandchildren would still be paying it off. But it was never going to happen as it was totally illegal and absolutely crazy.

What else? Oh yes, removal of tariffs and flooding Australia with cheap imports, thus destroying Australia's manufacturing base. This probably would have happened eventually, but the speed and the violence with which it occurred threw thousands and thousands of people out of work. My father-in-law had to sack 900 workers from the textile mills in Geelong because almost overnight there were no orders and the business ground to a halt. It wasn't just the workers, and the resulting impact on their lives and families: it was also the loss of an important skill and all the other trades which service the core business. It was economically devastating.

What else? Visiting China, even before Nixon; yes it was visionary, but basically it threw Taiwan under the bus. His foreign policy approach resembled a bull in a china shop, and echoed his one personal philosophy of 'Crash through, or crash'.
His cruelty to the South Vietnamese who had been allies, helpers of Australian diplomats and military, in that morass of a war. After the fall of Saigon, he refused to give refuge to them, famously saying, 'I'm not having hundreds of f***ing Vietnamese Balts coming into this country with their religious and political hatreds against us!' And leaving them to their fate at the hands of their enemies.
His stance on East Timor when Indonesia invaded- again, nothing. Even after the Balibo 5 were killed by Indonesian troops. This was in October 1975, so I imagine Whitlam was otherwise occupied because he was kicked out of his position as PM in November.

I also clearly remember the sorrow of my parents, staunch Labor supporters and true believers, at his 'even-handed' stance regarding Israel-Arab relations. We all felt betrayed, all the Jews who supported him and Labor and remembered Doc Evatt, who had been president of the UN General Assembly 1948-49 and was an important player in the creation of the State of Israel. He even said in his memoirs, 'I regard the creation of Israel as a great victory of the the United Nations.' Can you imagine that?
Whitlam's 'even-handed' comment  was made after the Yom Kippur War, which had triggered an oil crisis, where OPEC essentially decided to use their oil as a weapon against the West by withholding it and boosting the price, like the cartel it is. So Whitlam was essentially sucking up to the Arabs. Maybe that was why he thought he could get money from the Middle East, refer to the Loans Affair, above.

So much more. But he was a towering figure, physically, intellectually, with charisma in spades. And completely arrogant and autocratic, bordering on deluded. So was his legacy a good one or a bad one? Who can answer these questions. Certainly he left his mark on Australia.

So he was a man who was elected with a catchy slogan, as an agent of change, and once in power proceeded to make vast, sweeping changes in foreign policy, economic policy, domestic policy, most of which ended in disaster. I can't help but make comparisons to a certain sitting US president. The difference is that we Australians (first the Governor-General backed by the Senate, and then the people at the next election) had the sense to kick him out before he saw out a term. The Americans went and voted their president in for a second term. Let's hope we all survive that presidency.

Wednesday 1 October 2014

SIGNED AND SEALED

It starts on Slichos. Once my kids were old enough for me to no longer use them as an excuse not to go, I started going to the first Slichos the Motzoei Shabbos before Rosh HaShanah. Jewish Midnight Mass (lehavdil).
I looked at the book and I looked at the number of pages I had to get through, and I groaned internally. And I knew it was only the beginning, because come Rosh HaShanah, it's HUNDREDS of pages and repetition after repetition. And I can actually understand most of what I am saying! And I have a translation into English! So it doesn't get much better really. And I can read pretty fast, but I can't stand it when I have to gabble my way through what are works of liturgical majesty in order to keep up with the Reader and the Shofar sessions. This RH I was sitting next to my 12-year-old freshly BasMitzvah'd niece and my heart went out to her when she riffled through the machzor and rolled her eyes, moaning. I tried to comfort her by showing her that about 50 pages were actually for the second day, but that still left, oh, I don't know, about a million pages to get through. But we did well.

And now it's nearly Yom Kippur and back I will be, Kol Nidrei, and Shacharis and Musaf and - well, I skip Mincha as a rule, as I have to go home and lie down by then- and shlep back for Neilah. And each session has a Shaliach Tzibbur, right, so further repetition. And I just can't help wondering, how much buttering up does The Big G need? I mean, how many times can we sing of His long-suffering mercy, and how many times do we need to literally beat our breast in Vidui, confession? And little kids, earnestly confessing to all sorts of sins that they couldn't possibly understand, let alone commit? (Although the bit about disrespecting parents and teachers probably should be repeated another 10 times by some kids I know.)(And the bit about Lashon Hara should probably be said 10 times A DAY by most of us.)
I'm not complaining (much) and after all it's a choice, and we all do it if we choose to. And strangely, Yom Kippur, despite the physical discomforts, is amazing and uplifting and the liturgy is unsurpassed. I always feel on a high after it's over; signed and sealed. And relieved that I don't have to do it again for a year.

But why the repetition? Does G-d really need this? Surely it's like, 'Alright already, I hear you, I hear you, I'm the greatest, you're broken sherds and withered grass and dust yada yada, you're sorry, you're sorry, OK, keep saying it like you MEAN it! And enough with the scoffing and disrespect!'

And at gym this morning, under the watchful eye of my personal trainer, finishing the 10th repetition of the 3rd set of resistance exercises, it suddenly came to me. G-d doesn't need it; we do.
The first few times with the squats and the kettle bells etc is a bit sloppy and needs some refinement of technique; the next few times you feel self-conscious and a bit wobbly; the next are smoother etc until, after a few more sessions, the body learns and executes the moves smoothly and strongly.

How much more so does the Neshoma want practice and repetition, until it no longer feels so weird and annoying to soul-search and make personal accountings and look for guidance to what we need to improve ourselves and our relationships with others? I don't know. 10 times? 100? 20 years? 50 years? A lot.

Gmar Chasimah Tovah, and may we all be signed and sealed for a happy and healthy, peaceful and prosperous New Year. Good luck with the praying and try not to riffle the machzor too much.


RIP KEN WOOD

Yesterday a great tragedy befell my life. While in the middle of making a honey cake, after having made a cheesecake and an orange butter cake and a chocolate cake, my bench mixer died. Just like that, mid-beat. No burning smells, no funny noises, just wwwwWHHHIIIIRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I had to finish the cake by hand.

My Kenwood Chef was a wedding present. We have been friends and workmates for nearly 35 years. Sure, we had some disagreements; as a clueless novice I burned out the motor on two occasions, one crushing ice in the blender and the next, making breadcrumbs, also in the blender. So it was clear that the blender was a menace. And then it broke so good riddance. I bought a Sunbeam blender aout 10 years ago, and it is a beauty, but already showing signs of ageing. I also bought a Magimix food processor which is the ant's pants as far as making hummus, breadcrumbs, pesto, any dip you can mention, and crushed biscuits for cheesecake crusts (PLUS I somehow have manage to keep it parev, which takes some doing in my house, let me tell you.) But it's only about 6 years old and already the plastic fatigue has set in and it's a bit rattly.
But the mighty Kenwood was a fighter. Sure, you needed ear protection, it was so noisy, but it got the job done.  The blender attachment may have been somewhat deficient, but the shredder was pretty good and the mincer attachment superb. This was a real kitchen workhorse.

I am not one to give up on things so easily; I googled Kenwood repairs and I found J&T Appliances in Ashburton, and when I called, the man asked very savvy questions so I trusted him.
My rather opinionated Russian housekeeper, however, told me to call someone she knew, so I did; and he told me to call J&T. So that was enough for me.

So today I took the patient to J&T. The diagnostician fiddled with it, turned upside down and switched it on; the motor came to life, but it sounded sickly; wwwwhhhhhiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, instead of the usual dauntless WWWHHHIIIRRRRR. He shook his head, and said that it would take 2 weeks before he could let me know; they haven't made parts for this model for 20 years; they have to make their own parts.
So I asked him what would be the equivalent today? What could I replace it with?
He looked at me intently and declared, 'Nothing. There is no equivalent made today. Everything is made in China and they're all plastic toys. Oh, you could get a Hobart commercial one, for $4,500, but Kenwoods today? Not a patch on this.'
'But what if you can't fix it? What should I buy? I saw the Kenwood top of the range 1500W, is that good?'
He snorted derisively. 'All plastic Chinese toys. It's not the wattage, it's the gearing.'
'But say I need to buy something new...'
'Kitchenaid. Oh, not perfect, they have this fault in the mumble mumble flux capacitor modulator mumble mumble', waving at 2 Kitchenaids sitting on the workbench, 'So you have to replace the whole motor, and even so, they can only do half of what THIS beauty can do. But they're better than Chinese toys.'
Around this time I realised that I had actually been in this shop before.
'Do you repair Dualit toasters?' I asked.
'Yep, best toasters in the world!'

Oh, I had been there before. My Dualit crazy expensive retro toaster had malfunctioned years before, and I must point out that even when it is working, you have to watch it every second, because turn your back on it, it burns the toast. How many smoke alarms have been set off by this bastard toaster. But then it stopped toasting, or, to be more accurate, it only toasted one side of the bread, leaving the other side cold and raw. And my research had led me to J&T, where I met several other citizens glumly standing in line with their Dualit classic toasters under their arms. And I heard that refrain: 'Best toaster in the world!' I asked another lady if hers also burned the toast, and she nodded, morosely. So when it came to my turn, I said:
'Upon what do you base your claim of the Dualit being the best toaster in the world? It burns the toast if you don't stand over it!'
'Well, if the element burns out, which is what has happened to your toaster, you can replace the element for $50!'
'For $50 I can buy a whole new toaster! With electronics, so it won't burn the toast!'
'Yeah, but after a couple of years it carks it and you have to chuck it out! You can't fix it! Not like this one! This is the best toaster in the world!' Because he can fix it. For the price of a new  normal toaster.
But He Who Must Be Obeyed, i.e. my husband, loves this toaster, so what could I do. I had The Best Toaster In The World fixed and it's still serving me, albeit in a surly adversarial fashion.

But I am lost without my Kenwood. My trusty companion awaits its post-mortem and my kitchen is eerily quiet. I can only hope for Techias HaMaysim and a Refuah Shelemah. Let's hope for good news. And I'm sure it will cost more than $50. But for Ken, it's worth it.


Sunday 21 September 2014

SUCH A TZIMMES!


With Rosh HaShana, the Days of Awe, the Days of Divine Judgment around the corner, my thoughts naturally turn to soul-searching, repentance and spiritual growth. And food. Special, festive traditional food, of course!
And nothing says Shana Tova uMetukah louder than tzimmes. This festive carrot-based dish has many forms and various versions and ingredients. I actually make two different kinds; one with meat, and one without. Apart from the meat, they are identical. I have vegetarian friends, what can I do.
Before we get to the tachliss (basics) of the recipe, let us ask ourselves…why tzimmes? And what does ‘tzimmes’ mean anyway?

It ‘s a Yiddish word for an Ashkenazi dish, and it probably comes from ‘tzim-ess’, or ‘for-eat’, which I think is a weird explanation, because all food is for eating; what makes a carrot casserole special? I don’t know. I do know, however, why we use carrots:
·      The Yiddish word for carrots, ‘mehren’, also means ‘to increase’. And New Year is all about wishing prosperity etc to others, so it’s a little Yiddish pun.
·      The Hebrew word for carrot, ‘gezer’, relates to the Hebrew word for ‘judgment’ or ‘edict’, namely, ‘gezerah’. So we are hoping for a good outcome of our judgment from on high. More wordplay.
·      The carrots, when cut into slices, resemble golden coins; there’s the prosperity theme again.
·      Carrots are sweet, especially in this dish which is honey-sweetened, and of course that is a RH theme; a sweet New Year.
Another use of the word ‘tzimmes’ in Yiddish idiom is a reference to a complicated issue; ‘All he had to do was make a short speech, but he went on and on and made such a tzimmes of it, I thought I would plotz.(explode)’. ‘It was supposed to be a simple job, but by the time he finished making a tzimmes with it, it was too hard to understand.’ Etc. This refers to the long cooking of the dish, and the preparation; but I don’t think the prep is that complicated. Of course, if you are preparing 6 kilos of carrots, like I did the other day, it does take a bit of time. You don’t have to make so much.

This recipe would be enough for 10-12 people as a side dish. I will start with the fleishig (meat) version.

You will need:

  • ·      3-4 Tablespoons oil, to cover the bottom of a large pot
  • ·      2 onions, peeled, halved and sliced thinly
  • ·      2 kg/4 lbs carrots, peeled and sliced into discs
  • ·      500g-1kg/ 1-2lbs top-rib (flanken), cut up into separate rib pieces (optional)
  • ·      Pitted prunes, about 2 cups
  • ·      3-4 cups of orange juice
  • ·      ½- ¾ cup honey- depends how sweet you like things!
  • ·      Salt and pepper to taste.

  • ·      A large saucepan with a lid.
  •        Slotted spoon or tongs, and a wooden spoon for stirring.

Preheat oven to 140 C/300F, in other words, not too hot.

If you are using the meat, heat up the oil in the pot and brown the pieces on all sides, then remove with a slotted spoon or tongs and set aside.
Heat more oil in the same pot and toss in the onions, sautéing until soft but not brown, about 5 minutes.
Add the meat back into the pot and then toss in the carrots. Stir it all up.
Cover the pot and let this cook at low heat for about 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally to avoid sticking to the bottom.
Then add the prunes, orange juice, honey, salt and pepper.
There should be enough liquid to just reach to the level of the carrots. You might need to add more juice or water. The prunes will suck it up. Stir it a few times.
Bring this all to the boil and then turn down the heat to a simmer (Hey! ‘Simmer’! ‘Tzimmes’! Sounds the same!). Cover.

At this stage, I place the whole pot into a slow oven and bake it for 3 hours. You can do it all on the stove top, but you do have to watch that it doesn’t catch on the bottom and burn; honey can burn easily.
After 3 hours, the meat should be soft. The carrots will definitely be soft, and the whole house will smell heavenly.

The vegetarian version leaves out the meat and needs less time in the oven, about 1.5 to 2 hours.

You can serve at once, or make it ahead of time and freeze it in portions. When it cools, the fat will form on the top and you can remove most of it if you want. It will last in the fridge for at least a week, preserved by the honey.

Even though the meaty version is quite hearty, it is still a side dish to other meat such as chicken or brisket, or whatever you wish to feature. Generally another starchy side is also served, like farfel or couscous or rice or kasha etc; up to you.


Variations:
You can use other vegetables as well as the carrots, such as sweet potatoes and parsnips. You can add apples if you like.
You can add cinnamon if you like that. Also dried apricots as well as or instead of the prunes. Raisins would also work.

I must say that my mother-in-law, who knows a thing or two about traditional festival foods, has her own way (which really is a gantza tzimmes), and includes a rich, tasty kneidel (dumpling), which is so full of schmaltz (chicken fat) and flour and salt that even SHE calls it ‘poison’ WHILE SHE IS ACTUALLY SERVING IT TO YOU. And it is so good, despite the warning, people want seconds.  I think of this as the tzimmes of the Old World; if you really want THAT recipe, I can get it from her.

Also, please note, with this as with most of my recipes, I have given you quantities as a guide, but really, you can play with it, it’s very forgiving.

So Shana Tova uMetukah! A happy and sweet New Year to all, a year of good health, prosperity and peace. (No poison.)



Thursday 11 September 2014

APOCALYPSE...NOW?

It is 13 years since the world shifted in its rotation. 13 years since the most heinous act of terrorism in the history of the world, and the worst attack taking place on US soil. Even Pearl Harbour, on that 'day of infamy', caused less loss of life -2,043 killed, 1,178 wounded, and technically not an act in wartime, as the US was not involved in WW2 until that point.
9/11 is a benchmark of terrorism. 2,977 innocents killed, 6,000 injured. I don't count the 19 scumbags of terrorists who were also killed. And it changed the world; not for the better.

So today we have the menace of ISIS - 20,000 lunatic blood-crazed Muslims sweeping across the land like the Cossacks or the Mongol hordes, and behaving exactly in the same medieval way. But we also have the meltdown of the whole area, and it got me thinking about the Apocalypse. I know, not very Jewish, being that the Four Horsemen are mention in the New Testament, but I read the papers and there I see Pestilence (Ebola), War (Syria etc), Famine (Africa? Egypt? Places that can't feed themselves?) and Death (in abundance). And that all looks pretty Apocalyptic- End of Days stuff to me. I guess I could say, pre-Moshiach times, where truth and lies are confused - just look at the whole Hamas-Israel Protective Edge conflict. Western idiots saying 'I am Hamas' and aligning themselves with this truly disgusting terrorist group, and casting Israel as the villain. It is unfathomable, the depth of ignorance, hatred and stupidity that leads people to think like this. Yet, seems to be pretty common! And then there's anti-Semitism, shedding its genteel veneer of political anti-Zionism and once again showing its  ugly face, complete with fangs.

I also couldn't help but notice how the 9/11 comparison was grabbed by the Gazans, after Israel destroyed a 12 story building which housed terror infrastructure, and of course, nobody was killed because I believe that the Israelis warned them that they were going to do this. But still! 'Our 9/11'!
Those Palestinians think nothing of appropriating all the world's suffering and making it their own. They are the victims of genocide! As Brigitte Gabriel says, the Israelis must be pretty poor at genocide, considering the 6-fold increase in the population of Gaza since 1967. They are suffering a 'holocaust'! Just as bad as what the Jews went through under the Nazis, which then of course equates the Israelis with the Nazis; it also creates a conundrum, because most of them don't believe that there was a Holocaust, and if they do, it was only a few Jews that died, so of course what they suffer is far worse! (Where are the Nuremberg Laws? Where are the death camps? Where are the gas chambers? Yet they suffer more than the Jews ever did.)
And now they have experienced 9/11. I'm waiting for their version of the Spanish Inquisition. And Chmielnicki and the murdering hordes- wait, that's Hamas itself! Murders its own people, like a snake eating its tail.
What a cesspit of evil is Gaza. Sure, blame Hamas, but the citizenry is pumped with hate and raised on incitement, and let's not forget Fatah and Abbas, the 'moderate'. Sure, real moderate.

Well, I hope the Moshiach comes and I hope he gets here soon, and I hope we don't have to go through all that apocalyptic stuff much longer.

And let us remember the 2,977 who were murdered, literally out of a clear, blue sky that terrible morning, 13 years ago. May their memories be blessed.

I pray for a happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful New Year, for all the people of Israel and the rest of the world too.



Tuesday 19 August 2014

Dubai? No way.

I stopped flying Qantas for a few reasons, even though I am a fairly patriotic Australian and I love Australia and BBQs and kangaroos and footy- well, not so much the footy maybe.
I stopped flying Qantas to the US because I usually want to get to the East coast, and I could no longer take the LAX stopover. So you fly 14 hours and come of the plane only to stand in endless lines waiting to get bags, go through Customs where you are treated as if you were an Al Qaeda operative attempting to smuggle drugs, cash and bombs into the country, and then walk to the domestic terminal, check in the bags and pay overweight because it's a domestic flight and you have too much luggage, having come from the other side of the world with gifts for your grandchildren, or tons of clothes because you're going for a wedding or something, and then you have to endure 5 hours with your knees under your chin in a domestic sardine can, to be spewed out the other end, wrung out and shattered, hoping that your bags made it with you.
So I pay more and I fly Singapore Airlines. And they don't forget the Kosher food, which Qantas also tended to do.

And then I stopped flying Qantas to Europe (from where I would fly to Israel) because they made Dubai their hub. And I refuse to go to Dubai.

Dubai, Dubai, Dubai. There's a strong marketing campaign afoot. Dubai is pitching itself as this amazing shopping mecca (excuse the expression), with this crazy indoor ski slope and insane swimming pool setup (in a desert! Where ambient temperatures can be 55C! And all the water is desalinated seawater, and every litre costs more than a litre of petrol) and fun fun fun for the family. And the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world, which was one of the features in 'Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol'. So hello Hollywood! And they turn a blind eye to scantily clad Westerners, and you can get alcohol even though it's a Muslim country. Hey, let's go to Dubai and have a blast!

Except for the fact that Dubai was built and is continuing to be built by slave labour;
Bangladeshis and Indians and Filipinos and Ethiopians who are looking for a better life, a way to earn some money for a few years and then return to their families. They come to work in the endless construction that goes on, and the women come to work as nannies and housemaids for the Emiratis and the Expats. They pay a lot of money for a visa as a guest worker. They are promised good wages and good housing and good food and good hours; but when they arrive, they have their passports taken from them by the construction boss or the Madam of the family and end up at the complete mercy of their employers. The pay is never what is promised, the hours are terrible, housemaids are often physically abused, and the consulates don't care. Hundreds of workers a year get to return to their countries. In coffins.

Dubai is a con job. Dubai, with its smiling face of Sheik Mohammed al Maktoum, the absolute ruler of the place, is a place of sand and dust and smoke and mirrors. It built itself up originally with oil money, but the oil has run out and now it's about tourism and business. It pitches itself as an open minded place, open for business, open for everything. But it is ruled by medieval morals.

Where are the Human Rights organisations protesting the treatment of 'guest workers' who are in reality indentured trapped slaves? Oh, maybe they're at the soccer, in Qatar. Don't get me started on Qatar; it's Dubai times a thousand, and they at least actually do have oil wealth, which they are busy sponsoring global terrorism with, including of course, Hamas, whose 'leader', Khaled Meshaal is busy living it up in Doha while planning to build shopping malls. And now think of the frantic building going on for the FIFA world cup in 2022. (Although ISIS has threatened to bomb it. With Scud missiles. They must really hate the soccer.) And let's not forget Al Jazeera, Qatar's successful attempt to warp journalism. (Why do I not feel sorry for Peter Greste? Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas, do they not say? I'm sorry for his parents.)

That any Western democracy has any truck with these throwbacks to the Middle Ages and their sickening way of life is disgusting and disgraceful, and a testament to the power of Money. And that we hear no end of the whining of 'human rights' organisations, including the heinous UNHRC, about Israel killing babies in Gaza, lapping up every lie that Hamas throws at them even though time and time again it is proven that they inflate and distort the casualty figures, and we all know by now about Gazans used as human shields (although the New York Times still isn't convinced, despite the plethora of evidence); but it's always Israel who is the criminal. Yet these gross human rights abuses in the Emirates have been going on since the first guest workers arrived, and will continue as long as these places exist, because it's not as if the Emiratis could ever lift a finger for themselves anyway.

I, for one, will not be party to it. Even putting aside my natural lack of desire to ever set foot in any Muslim country, (although I have actually been in Jordan to visit Petra) until such time as Israel is allowed to live in peace and security, (when the Moshiach comes, it seems), even if I weren't a Zionist Jew, I would still refuse to ever transit in such a place if there were any other way possible.

Fortunately, there is always Singapore. Which is essentially a police state, I know, ruled by a benign despot. Or Hong Kong, run by a prime human rights abuser, China. Or Bangkok, which is undergoing some serious political turmoil. Oh well. Believe me, if I could travel to Israel by Kvitzas HaDerech, I would.

It's not a perfect world. But Dubai is a whole other level of evil.






Monday 18 August 2014

Big Diet Things: Gluten, fructose and other misunderstood villains.

This is a true story, not a word of a lie:

Not long ago I entered a health food store looking for gluten flour. I use this to 'strengthen' flour for bread baking. 'Strong' flour, i.e. flour with a high gluten content, is better for baking bread as it results in a chewy, 'bready' texture rather than a 'cakey' texture. I'm sure you know what I mean.

I couldn't find any on the shelves, so I asked a slim, pale slip of a health food shop assistant if there was any in stock, and she said, 'Yes, we have a whole range of gluten-free flours, over there.' So I said, no thank you, I am actually after GLUTEN flour. She stared at me, uncomprehending, went even paler and retreated, horrified, stammering that she had to speak to the manager. I could see her whispering to several other employees, all of whom glanced at me and then resumed their feverish whispering. And then the manager came from out the back and was briefed of this bizarre request from this strange, plump, rosy-cheeked woman who was clearly mental. The manager laughed and calmed everyone down, saying 'Relax everyone! Gluten flour is used in bread baking, very common.' Then he came over to me and said that these youngsters had never heard of such a thing as actually seeking out gluten  because everybody is avoiding gluten, so they all panicked as they thought I was deranged.

Because it turns out that gluten is quite the bad boy these days. We all know about coeliac disease which is a kind of allergy to gluten, a protein found in wheat, rye and other grains. (Rice is usually OK, as is corn, buckwheat and quinoa.) It causes intestinal symptoms, intractable anaemias and generally makes the sufferer feel foul when untreated. It has a genetic component, thus runs in families, is associated with certain antibodies in the blood (but possessing these antibodies doesn't necessarily mean you have coeliac) and the gold standard of diagnosis is through small bowel biopsy which shows clear changes in the lining of the small intestine. But it can be tricky to diagnose:

'Coeliac disease affects on average approximately 1 in 70 Australians. However, approximately 80% currently remain undiagnosed. This means that approximately 330,000 Australians have coeliac disease but don’t yet know it.
More and more people are being diagnosed with coeliac disease. This is due to both better diagnosis rates and a true increase in the incidence of coeliac disease.' (Coeliac Australia) 
[I don't know if this is true or not, it seems a little excessive to me, but I guess Coeliac Australia should know what they are talking about]
A study from New Zealand found that gluten avoidance was five times more common than medically diagnosed coeliac disease. FIVE TIMES. (Maybe there's your missing 80% of undiagnosed coeliacs? Just a thought.)
Also, about 20% of Americans avoid gluten. Why? Probably they feel better not eating wheat.
Apparently there is a growing phenomenon of 'non-coeliac gluten sensitivity' which is, to say the least, controversial. 
The trouble is that many of the symptoms are similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, i.e., diarrhoea, constipation, abdominal bloating and pain. And until a few years ago, IBS was considered to be, well,  in the province of psychosomatic disorders, or functional disorders, or call it what you want but since there are no tests and the symptoms are largely subjective, you were considered a bit mental. As a doctor, back in the day when I was in General Practice, I confess doing a mental eye-roll when presented with IBS. And Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (I remember when it was called 'Yuppie Flu'). Talk about 'heart-sink' patients. And Fibromyalgia, G-d help us all. Some things gain 'legitimacy' when a blood test is actually found which does provide objective evidence. Not always. IBS (and CFS and FM) still is largely a diagnosis of exclusion, i.e., make sure you're not missing something really nasty like bowel cancer or something, and then just use the descriptive term- Irritable Bowel.
And yet: These people feel better off wheat/ gluten. So is it in their heads? Maybe it's not the gluten in the wheat, it's the fructose. And now we are on to the other Big Diet Thing now; everyone is fructose intolerant. Well, maybe it is common! There's a lot of confusion.
You know what is really common? Eating too much. That's common. You know what else? Eating processed crap and drinking soda. That's common too. I just saw the stupidest Diet Coke ad I have ever seen. Apparently it's not a real ad but a pregnancy announcement which is even more stupid. All I could think was, you're pregnant and you're drinking Diet Coke? Are you nuts? Diet Coke and sodas in general are The Devil's Piss as far as I am concerned. How can we look at the surge in diagnoses of learning disorders and autism spectrum disorders and ADHD and ignore that pregnant women are drinking this crap, and that there MIGHT be a connection? (OOH no, it's vaccines, right?)
You know what else is common? Eating disorders. Unfortunately I have seen these things, and they often go like this (I will compress 10 years of decline into a few sentences): I will no longer eat meat because I have a moral objection to eating anything that had a mother/has a face. So no fish either. And eggs. They are chicken abortions. I'll eat the whites. No, I won't. And dairy. Cows suffer so much. I'm vegan.  I eat healthy! I eat heaps of green veggies! I LOVE kale! Also I don't eat wheat, or rye or barley or oats- I'm gluten sensitive. And rice either. Oh, not gluten then. Or some special sensitivity. Or allergy. I don't eat carbs, they make me feel bloated. Or nuts. No nuts. Too much fat. Or legumes. They bloat me. I don't eat this, I don't eat that, and in the end all I eat is lettuce and broccoli. And kale. Covered in salt and spices because by now my tastebuds have gone numb because I am so mineral and protein and fat and everything deficient nothing is working anyway, least of all my starved brain.
I have seen this up close, and it's extreme and terrifying, and I think it's the tip of a disordered-eating iceberg. The rest of the iceberg is: I eat Paleo. I don't eat carbs. I'm vegetarian. I'm vegan. I'm non-coeliac gluten sensitive. Etcetera. (I'm not saying that every single vegetarian or vegan is mental, but I wonder about some.)
I'm not saying there is absolutely no such thing. Just as many cases of IBS have indeed been resolved by the FODMAP diet, and it seems that fructose does in fact have some bearing on symptoms, one day we will probably find some objective test for non-coeliac gluten sensitivity, and hurrah.
Meanwhile: Don't overeat. Don't eat too much stuff out of packets. Eat fish, eat vegetables. Eat a bit of what you fancy. And DON'T drink The Devil's Piss. Have some soda water with a bit of juice in it for a bit of cold fizz!
PS: My bread works very well, thanks for asking. I bake challah most weeks, usually half wholemeal, and I don't eat much of it. Everything in moderation. (Including moderation.)

Sunday 17 August 2014

Enough, already. Really.

So much has been happening, and so much loss. From MH17 to Protective Edge, from Robin Williams to Lauren Bacall, even locally, 2 peers of mine who died suddenly leaving barely grown families. Too much sadness.
Tisha B'Av has passed, Moshiach didn't come- you may think me naive or deluded, but I actually do believe that Moshiach will come 'even though he tarries'. He has to come.
Anti-Semitism continues to rise, Hamas is still unbeaten, ISIS continues its rampage through the region.
Yesterday I read of 2 young women, Italian aid workers, who entered Syria via Turkey in order to help the suffering of the citizenry, and were abducted by IS terrorists. So it will be pretty much a miracle if they haven't been raped to death by now. The depravity of that bunch is beyond belief. They relish their evil, posting their own videos of battlefield executions and beheadings of fellow Muslims (well, according to them, Shiites aren't Muslim, so it's OK to murder them in cold blood and chuck their bodies into rivers or peg up their heads on stakes) and rape, murder, besiege and starve 40,000 Yazidis, including of course many women and children.

But in Belfast! The good citizenry find nothing better to do than swarm a local supermarket and remove all Israeli-sourced goods from shelves, in the name of BDS.
Talk about a meeting of morons. These people were shooting and murdering and blowing each other up five minute ago. They were bombing London. Both sides produced terrorists who perpetuated the senseless 'Hatfield and McCoy' style of tit-for-tat blood feuds that went on for decades. But NOW, they are big experts on geopolitics, especially the Arab-Israeli conflict and ESPECIALLY Hamas and Israel, and they are going to fix everything by boycotting Israeli goods. Like that makes any sense. AND what do they chant? 'Palestine will be free, from the river to the sea'. Which is of course, a call for genocide and the obliteration of Israel. So basically, the Irish involved know nothing; but they know how to be anti-Semites.

Where are the protestors against the ISIS thugs and murderers and child-killers? Well, that's all too hard isn't it. Let's go for the soft target; the only free democracy in the region.

I can't keep going on and on about this. The reason I haven't written much is that there is so much written about the Gaza conflict that by the time I finish reading all the opinions, which are never-ending, and all the comment threads, and responding in cyber-warrior fashion to anti-Israel crap, I have no time to actually write stuff myself. And surely everyone is sick of it.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this stupid Irish joke. I'm sick of BDS-holes. And I'm sure sick of anti-Semitism in all its forms.

Moshiach, hurry up already. Enough with the tarrying. I don't know how much more of this I can take.


Tuesday 15 July 2014

The Smallest War Room of All

I confess, I spend too much time in the bathroom. On the loo, specifically. This was something that probably started when I had a bunch of little kids invading my every speck of personal space, using my body as a hangout and snack bar, not to mention overusing my role as general purveyor of food, entertainment and transport, sometimes 24/7. So where does one retreat in order to be away from the clamour and the needs of others? Where is there someplace private but not too far away, a place where there is peace but not so distant that I could respond in an instant to any cry of distress, like a superheroine, pulling up her tights in a microsecond? Right, you got it. (Although it would only be a few minutes before they started pounding on the door.)

Now the kids are grown and married and no longer noodging me in quite the same way, I guess I don't really need to retreat into the throne room, but there is a definite peaceful place there. And I can think. I can let the house phone go to voicemail. I can reflect on the state of the world.
AND I can be a cyber-warrior.

Yes, when I take my phone in to the loo with me, I do play Words with Friends. I do. And Scramble. Not as much, but I need the sound on to play well, and all the cheering ('Excellent!' 'Genius!') annoys my spouse no end, so it's only natural that I make myself scarce.

But what I really do a lot of is fight for Israel. My right thumb is powerful.

I am so horrified by the blatant open raw anti-Semitism that flies around cyberspace, I can't let it go. And it is a real education in the fact that being anti-Israel is actually exactly the same, but exactly, as being anti-Semitic. And in this I include many Jews; I'm looking at you, JVP (Jewish Voices for Peace). Martin Luther King Jr famously said that anti-Zionism was anti-Semitism, and he was right.
Every anti-Israel demonstration without exception, references Nazis and blood libels. There's really nothing more to say. If people can parade around with placards and banners displaying mockups of the Israeli flag with the Star replaced by a swastika, they are anti-Semites. Hitler didn't fight against Israel: his war was against the Jews. Ergo, any reference to Hitler in any forum pretending to be about feeling sorry for Palestinians, is actually raw, blatant anti-Semitism. The End. And anyone who marches with such folk while holding their own dumb placards ('Free Gaza!' Idiot, Israel withdrew in 2005, why don't you finish the sentence? 'Free Gaza- from Hamas!' would actually make sense.) is a fellow traveller and thus an anti-Semite too. Yes, Ms Lee Rhiannon, Greens senator for NSW, with your made-up surname, I'm talking about you, marching away there in Sydney, maybe no placard, but plenty of talk about Israel's war crimes. And all around you, swastikas and Holocaust references.

Today was the 17th of Tammuz, a fast day which commemorates the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem before the destruction of the Second Temple, and the beginning of the 3 weeks of mourning, culminating in the fast day of Tisha B'Av. These are sad and difficult times, and have been for 2,000 years. As I have said before, the recognition of these dates and the commemoration by fasting and mourning practices proves the deep and true link that the Jews have with Jerusalem; the mourning for the loss of Jewish sovereignty in the land of Israel, in Judea and Samaria, in Jerusalem, is real. It is not propaganda, it is not manufactured, and if every Jew knew this, then we would be united in our desire to be in Israel, with Israel, and not be like these self-hating idiots of the JVP, and other groups. We would not be parroting those phrases 'Occupied West Bank' and 'Arab East Jerusalem' and all those weasel words which undermine our sovereignty in Eretz Yisrael.

Words have power. And, here's the thing, if anyone was occupying Yehuda-Shomron, it was Jordan, (manufactured after the collapse of the Ottoman Empire by the British Mandate), which occupied it until 1967. Egypt occupied Gaza from 1948 until 1967; where were the cries of 'Free Gaza' then? Of course there weren't any, there was no Palestine and no Palestinians: there were Arabs and not that many. The population of Arabs rose in Israel from the minute Jews started buying land there in the 19th century; Arabs came from all over, for jobs and a better life in that backwater of the Ottoman Empire. And there was always a Jewish presence in Jerusalem, until the Jordanians came and kicked out the Jews in 1948. Suddenly it was 'Arab East Jerusalem', or better still, 'Historic Arab East Jerusalem', my arse. And let us not forget the pogrom in Hevron in 1929, where Arabs turned on their Jewish neighbours and killed 67 Jews. What 'occupation'? There was no Israel then; a Palestinian was a Jew who lived in Ottoman or British Palestine. My grandfather was a Palestinian.

I could go on and on about this stuff, I'm quite a bore. And I'm trying to educate a fence-sitter or a well-meaning ignoramus from time to time, because you can't educate an anti-Semite. A Hater will always find a reason to hate.
So I sit in a quiet, small room, my thumbs flying on my phone, trying to refute the egregious lies of the 'Palestinian Narrative', which have replaced historic truth in most people's minds, and frees some of them to spew the worst hate-speech and anti-Semitic slurs imaginable. Come to think of it, a toilet is the best seat in the house from which to be reading that shit.

At this time, as Operation 'Protective Edge' seems to be heading towards some sort of cease-fire, despite the persistence of Hamas' missile attacks, let us pray that Hashem will protect the People of Israel and the soldiers of the IDF who risk their lives to protect the people. We all want peace, but it's hard when the other side just wants Israel destroyed and all Jews killed, isn't it. Let this coming Tisha B'Av be transformed into a joyous Yom Tov, let there be a true and lasting peace brought by the coming of Moshiach Tzidkeinu, now.




Disclaimer: The above post was written on a laptop while seated at a desk. Germophobes have nothing to fear from reading it.








Monday 30 June 2014

No Words

After all the outpourings of prayer and all the rallies of solidarity and all the hashtag campaigns, the bodies of the abducted Israeli teens, Eyal, Naftali and Gil-ad were discovered a few hour ago, buried under rocks in a field in Hevron. It turns out that they had been murdered shortly after they were taken, probably when the kidnappers panicked, thinking that Israeli security forces were on to them. Which they weren't.
So after all the initial celebrations among the Palestinians with the usual handing out of sweets etc, and the heinous little hand sign of three fingers signifying '3 Shalits' who would be used as pawns in a prisoner swap, it turned out that the moronic shithead kidnappers had actually burned their trump cards and have gone into hiding  (and I wouldn't be surprised if they, too, have been murdered for their cock-up, by more bastards as evil as themselves.)
And now the cybersphere is swamped by outpourings of grief and calls for justice and retribution. Oh, nothing from our good friend Obama, who  urges 'restraint' in the response from Israel. I mean, he hasn't yet even worked out what to do about the murder of a US ambassador and 2 embassy staff in Benghazi, so how do we expect him to give a shit about 3 Israeli Jews, even if one was also a US citizen? And the UN, with their description of the 3 'settlers' who were kidnapped and murdered; not teens, not school kids, but 'settlers' whose presence and life in the first place is unacceptable, so who cares that they were killed for being Jews.
At the same time, rockets fly from Gaza and detonate in Sderot, destroying property if not life, and sending the kids on their last day of school running yet again for the bomb shelters.
And Gazan rockets blow up, killing a 3 year old Arab girl in Gaza.
And Syrian fire kills an Arab Israeli boy at the Golan border. You won't have heard of any of this if you rely on mainstream media; it's just not newsworthy. Maybe the rock throwing Arab boy who was killed while in a mob taking on the IDF in Gaza might have made it to the news, of course giving the worst possible impression of the IDF and creating false moral equivalence between the deaths of Arab children raised with incitement against Jews their whole lives, and Israeli children trusting enough to hitchhike in their own country.
The icing on the cake is the threat from Hamas spokesman Sami Abu-Zuri, who threatens that if Israel retaliates (to the rocket fire from Gaza),  this would 'open the gates of Hell' on Israel.
These bastards are child-murderers who celebrate death, who rain missiles on civilians while hiding behind their own civilian populations, who openly and brazenly call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel.
I think the 'gates of Hell' are already open. Bring it on, scum.
Israel lives. We have survived this long, we will survive.
While you all kill each other in Syria and establish a 'caliphate', while you rape and kidnap girls and burn churches, while you murder your own children, while you worship your death cult, Israel builds, Israel contributes, Israel seeks to make the world a better place.
One little ray of hope- Mohammed Zoabi, nephew of traitorous Balad MK Haneen Zoabi, calls himself a proud Zionist Israeli Arab Muslim who respects all religions and prophets and calls for peace and support of Israel, and is consequently at risk of being abducted to Gaza and murdered by Hamas himself. I wish this brave 16 year old well, and I hope he doesn't end up like three other teenagers did.
Am Yisrael Chai.

Monday 23 June 2014

Post-wedding farewell

Well, it's over. The wedding of our last one, our mezinka, the Sheva broches, the whole New York shtick, and today we go home. 
The gown, the fancy sheitel, the heels, the Spanx, the special pearls, all to be retired for the foreseeable future THANK G-D. 
It was indeed a memorable day even though I almost wiped my memory with two - two!- margaritas drunk rather unwisely and too fast just before the chuppah. The combination of heat, dehydration, jetlag, fatigue and tequila almost did me in. I swear that's all I drank all night but 3 hours later, when it was time for me to give my speech, I could hardly stand upright. They had to search for me in the bathroom where I was drinking water and taking deep breaths and trying to clear my vision and resisting the urge to lie down on the tiled floor. I have never found a bathroom floor to be more inviting. And then  it was time for me to speak and there was no lectern or light and, being an old-fashioned girl, I had paper notes rather than a backlit iPad and I couldn't see them. So the bride had to shine a light onto the paper so I could refer to my notes- no way was I risking winging it. Well, I think I did ok in the end but I have cemented a reputation as a lush, I'm sure. Two cocktails a whole night! Unfair. 
It was a great night, people managed to have fun even though there was no dancing- yes, you read that right, no dancing- and I'm thinking that a lot of people were quite relieved not to be shuffling around on a hot squashy dance floor but it was a bit odd. It felt like a fund raising dinner at times. I had to suppress the urge to hand out pledge cards. 
Why no dancing? Cultural collide. My hard core Chabad husband is totally against mixed dancing at weddings and my son in law is freaked out by the thought of dancing with a pack of drunk sweaty men so that was that. And it was fine. 
My kids did, however, manage to cobble together a mezinka tantz, much to the bemusement of most people present, with floral crowns and an enormous garden broom because the cute little prop brooms had been left in the trunk of someone's car, but a broom is a broom I guess. Sweep out the house! All kids married! Praise the L-rd! OY, these customs, who thought them up?
There was a photo booth set up which entertained the crowd but somehow I missed out, and the photos ae hilarious. I wish I had been there! Although I was there, so that was my fault. Damn margaritas. 
I'm making it all about me here, sorry about that. Because the bride was beautiful and the couple was so happy and the families on both sides are delighted and a young Jewish couple start their lives together. Mazel tov! Mazel tov!
But I will never NEVER drink tequila again. This time I MEAN it.