Monday 9 April 2012

I dislike your kids, sometimes quite a lot.

Well, I think most people can't stand other peoples' kids. I like my own well enough, and I am enchanted by my own grandchildren, but most other children are awful. Especially Americans. Sorry folks.
So I am at this wonderful Pesach getaway in Whistler, BC, with about 30 families. There is one large contingent, about 50 people, from Mexico. There are about 20 children in this group, and about 6 nannies, they all more or less keep to themselves and thus they don't annoy me at all. I'm intrigued by how little time the mamas actually spend with the children, could be this is just because it's a vacation, but it seems the kids are respectful of their nannies, one of whom, a grandmotherly type, seems to weave a spell over them as they sit around her enthralled by her storytelling or gossip or whatever it is she is telling them in Spanish.
No. I refer to the kids of American families who just haven't been taught manners and thus, nobody expects any from them.
Day 1: Screaming and Skyping.
Picture 3 kids, say 9, 7 and 5, in the breakfast area, gathered around Mom's iPad, jostling and fighting to talk to Uncle Tony back in Long Island. Me, sitting with a coffee 2 tables away. Parents, well, who knows. Popping in on occasion to join the chat. And this went on for over half an hour. I'm not comfortable actually going up to Mom and asking her to have some consideration, because if she were a considerate person, she would have either set it up elsewhere, or cut it short, or told the kids to keep down the racket. The kids weren't being naughty, they were simply the product of a rude upbringing. The hotel staff are young and easy-going and I guess there are no rules whereby they could politely point out that this behavior is disruptive and annoying and please move to the lobby. I mean, this isn't Claridges or the Savoy. But still. So I'm an old curmudgeon, but I still have a right to a bit of peace over breakfast, surely.
I'm not talking about stressed kids having tantrums because they are tired or jet lagged or unwell. I'm not talking about the one or two kids who are clearly, to me at least, diagnosable with some sort of behavioral disorder. It's the majority of these normal kids who are just rude and pushy and uncaring of their surroundings, who fight and jostle and make messes for others to clean up, who haven't been drilled in how to say please and thank you and excuse me and how to chew with their mouths closed. And hassled, doting moms and dads just don't seem to understand that it is their responsibility to instill good manners into their children. And these under-parented kids with an overblown sense of their own worth sometimes also have nannies who seem too intimidated by their employers or too soft and gentle or of different cultural background to just put these kids in their place. Just stop with the approval for everything and stop this nonsense of boosting self esteem and avoiding all negative talk and give them boundaries. 'Please do not run in corridors and bowl other people over.' 'Please clean up this mess you just made.' 'Say thank you to the waitress. Apologise for smashing matzoh into the carpet for a meter radius around your chair.' Etcetera. Instilling manners and respect for other people is hard hard work, but you've got to do it, parents! Otherwise you are raising savages, and narcissistic ones at that.
There was a magician here entertaining the kids and he wasn't bad. But these kids were just feral! Oh, he coped, he was good at his job, but not a parent present opened his or her mouth to the children to help get them in line. Sit down, please. Don't rifle through the man's box of tricks. Please don't touch what isn't yours. Please be quiet so we can start. Parents! Where are you? Why are you so accepting of this rudeness? Why? Don't you notice It? How could you not? Do we live in a jungle? You're not doing yourself or your kids any favors!
A million books on parenting, a well-to-do set of educated parents, but something just isn't getting through. I just keep my mouth shut and look after my own. I insist on please and thank you from my grandchildren. I don't accept whining about how 'I didn't make the mess, she did' so therefore the kid thinks he doesn't have to clean it up. Uh-uh. If I ask, you will do it. I will help you, but you will clean up. You will take responsibility for your messes. You will help others when you see they need help. Sure, I don't feel like picking up a thousand pieces of Lego either, but I will help you and you will help me and we will get the job done. High five.
Parents, do your damn job. It's not a democracy; you are the boss and you are a benevolent ruler. You love your subjects and you work hard to rule them well. Comprendre? That's how you make good citizens. What you are making looks a lot to me like little tyrannical bullying self-obsessed monsters. Sorry. Just calling it as I see it. Maybe they'll grow out if it. Maybe it's a passing phase. Maybe you can make a silk purse out of a pig's ear. Ooh, here's an idea, maybe you can send them to school and let the teacher do your job for you! That works, hey, teachers?
Peace, out.

4 comments:

  1. Once again doc on fire doesn't disappoint! I agree with every word - especially the American bit. I was exposed to quite a few of those on tours in Israel and it wasn't pretty.
    Hope u get to eat breakfast with some quiet tomorrow!

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  2. Yeah, kids nowadays are absolute rats.

    Sometimes parents don't do their duty because they think everyone else must be plotzing how "adorable" their children are; others simply can't be bothered. They aren't consistent.

    And as for "nannies," it isn't worth their while to discipline the kids. If the parents actually allow it, it's easier for them, they think, just to give in, then go home at night. Except when they get taken along to the hotel.

    I yell at my nieces and nephews. And they don't mind it, while everyone else is scandalized. I think they're cute, but I don't expect the world to give them a free pass. If menschlachkeit isn't drummed into them now, then when?

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  3. i'm with you here. they need to be disciplined at home way before...

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  4. Of course the Germans have a word for it- kinderbewunderung. This awe and wonder of the precious precious child whose every utterance is a pearl and whose every act is adorable. And sometimes it's parental laziness and sometimes it's parental cluelessness. It's time for a new childrearing book! 'Take back the nursery' or 'The end of the pushover parent' or 'Chesed and Gevurah- finding the balance'. Anyone? You know, even Benjamin Spock could not abide rude children.

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